Early in the morning, you're awakened by a squawk
You're sick and tired of listening to this avian pillow talk
Is a night of peace and quiet, too much of a wish?
Why aren't they out at sea, eating bucket loads of fish?
Instead they're on your chimney, setting up a family nest
To some a thing of beauty, but to you a natural pest
You do not want to harm them, but you wish they'd fly away
But you put out the welcome mat and now they're here to stay
I told you not to do it but you said you'd do your bit
To help Mother Nature, as the planet turns to shit
You made a nice bird table and the feeders were all full
But I cannot stress this strong enough, Don't feed the Fucking Gulls!!
I know you think you're doing good, by throwing out some scraps
But for all your good intentions, you have set a booby trap
This ain't some gentle Blackbird that will sing you all to sleep
It's a feathered Jumbo Jet, and it's arriving from the deep
You put up spiked defenses, you shout and flap your arms
Your neighbors think you've lost it, but I'm sure it's got it's charms
Hours on your computer, trying hard to find a way
To get your life on track again and keep those birds away
A solution to a problem is avoid it from the start
Nature finds a way, and from this you can take heart
To avoid you roof resembling a ships rusty hull
Remember what I told you and Don't feed the Fucking Gulls!!
You see them through the window as you're sitting down to eat
They look you up and down but your plans are incomplete
You'll send off all your letters, saying these have got to go
To hell with consequences, cos now you're in full flow
And this is where we differ, by the different ways we see
Cos this problem started with our inability
To live as one with nature and leave their homes alone
This problems all ours, it's all home grown
There is no doubt about it, that it causes people stress
I don't like pointing fingers, it's a self inflicted mess
We created all these issues, and the answers not a cull
The way to stop this problem is Don't feed the Fucking Gulls!!
