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I lived a life; calm, easy, stress free

nothing painful and no mental disease.

Blood, needles, paranoia; this came to be

trying to cope with this new anatomy.

Every day starts off with a chance

as I roll these dice and get out of bed.

Will I be able to get out of the house

and overcome the torment in my head?

I had these visions of driving far and wide

to get in the car and go where I please.

Now I can't manage to calm my fears

to even get gas or just see a movie.

Every day starts off with a chance

as I try to relax my nerves and ease my thoughts.

Every day starts off with a roulette

36 spaces red and my money on black.

Zero to fifteen, normal as of late

fifteen to twenty-five, heart begins to race

twenty-five to forty, lightheaded, nervous

forty to fifty, true panic setting in

fifty to seventy, clammy hands, heat rising

seventy to eighty-five, can't stand, can't think

eight-five to ninety-five, losing all control

hitting the mark, 100, gone.

Cradled in these arms of comfort

reminded I am not alone

family and friends return the sense

of who I'm supposed to be.

Hold your breathe, inhale down deep

exhale slow, feel the breeze

hold your breathe, inhale down deep

exhale slow, feel the sweet release.

Tighten the grip, muscles relax

tighten the grip, all the way down your back

tighten the grip, muscles relax

let go of these thoughts, bring yourself back.