---

although we had not talked in years

i knew the second i read your name

nothing out of the ordinary

for the place that we grew up

saw your mom while swimming

her smile was as frozen as ever

with that blank stare of hers

i don't know why i was surprised that i saw

no change in her demeanor

when her eldest hung himself

the moment that he moved out

but what was she supposed to do?

just die like you chose to?

on the cusp of youth

in disbelief of the world's cruel ways

a child naive when we all had grown up

did your magic tricks for your parents

while the rest of us got laid

alone and isolated

forever stuck in your childish twilight

and not even your dad could save you

with him being head of the psychiatric ward

it really puts things into perspective

of just how helpless you are

when someone really wants to die

five years back this could have been me

sometimes i'm glad I'm more of a coward

than you ever were

the dead grass pierced my feet

my most vivid memory of you