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What are your symptoms

Let's check your pulse

My diagnosis:

You're still breathing

I have just the thing

Take two of these each day

Or better yet keep taking them until it goes away

Your life

In my professional opinion

Is

A waste

Cancerous and worthless

I will

Prescribe

Short but painful drug demise

I will

Sign off

With a poorly written "kill yourself"

In

My years

Of medical experience

Malpractice is hard

To prove when victims die alone and are unliked

Existing

A disease

Cured in death

Cured in fucking death