I got on the bus at Maple, I got off the bus at Main. I got on the bus at Maple, And I'll never be the same. I paid my 90 cents, And grabbed a seat in the rear. I paid my 90 cents, And then took out a beer. I sipped the cold beer slowly, And lit a cigarette. I sipped the cold beer slowly, And that's what I regret. An old lady stood and screamed, "Can't you read that sign!" An old lady stood and screamed, "No smoking on this line!" I hadn't finished half my beer When all the trouble started. I hadn't finished half my beer When from the bus I parted. The bus was going forty When she threw me out the door. The bus was going forty When my body hit the floor. Now I lie here paralyzed And I can't even speak. Now I lie here paralyzed And things are looking bleak. If I could do things over, One thing is very clear. If I could do things over, I'd have finished all that beer. Well here's the moral to the story Cause now I gotta go. Well here's the moral to the story: Never drink beer slow.