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Wanna know a story?

He is one of us, he is Mr. Grouch

He's out there talking to himself

Smoking hundreds of cigs like no one else, like no one else

He says he cares but he'll never care

He said he used to care but now he doesn't care no more

I wanna be smart like him

I wanna play guitar like he does

He's the god of untalkativity

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

He's not keen on the scream and shout

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

Try his mind and you'll soon find out that

He'll outsmart you in a million ways

He's a sweetheart but he'll hate you anyway

Mr. Grouch

He's out there talking to the night

Reciting poems by memory like a pro, like a fuckin' pro

He wants to cry but he'll never cry

He said he used to cry but now he doesn't cry no more

I wanna be smart like him

I wanna play guitar like he does

He's the god of untalkativity

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

He's not keen on the scream and shout

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

Try his mind and you'll soon find out that

He'll outsmart you in a million ways

He's a sweetheart but he'll hate you anyway

Mr. Grouch

He was there at the party cats with his cowboy hat hanging with Marilyn Monroe, or was it Michael?

He's always right, he says you're not right

Or you may be right, he doesn't care what's right no more

He's the god of untalkativity

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

He's not keen on the scream and shout

Mr. Grouch, Mr. Grouch

Try his mind and you'll soon find out that

He'll outsmart you in a million ways

He's a sweetheart but he'll hate you anyway

Mr. Grouch

Be silent, thou accursed wolf