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Vlad- Vlad- Vlad the impaler

Vlad- Vlad- he coulda been a whaler

Vlad- Vlad- Vlad the impaler

Vlad- Vlad- coulda been a whaler

Coulda been a tailor

He turned out to be Norman Mailer

Whoa- whoa- whoa- whoa

He stepped back and smoked a joint

20,000 peasants got the point

Mommy was a hamster

Daddy was a jailer

Real tough childhood

For such a fucking Flailor

He's so glad he's Vlad

Vlad- Vlad- Vlad the impaler

Vlad- Vlad- he coulda been a whaler

Vlad- Vlad- Vlad the impaler

Vlad- Vlad- coulda been a whaler

Coulda been a tailor

He turned out to be Norman Mailer

When he was a boy

They sent him to the Turks

But they didn't like him

Because the Turks were jerks

When Vlad returned home his wrath

For his ancient foe he spurned

But the ancient art of impalement

Something the boy has learned

Oh how he learned

He learned, they burned, they burned, they burned

Rotisseries of corpses turned

He's so glad, he's so glad, he's so glad, he's so glad he's Vlad