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Patriots assemble

On this day in history

Guided by the internet

A deep conspiracy

Our President of Game Shows

Conjured up the plan

We'll march with flags and bear spray

(BEAR SPRAY!)

Into the promised land

Finally I stand and fight

No longer just a pawn

Like my heroes White Jesus Christ

And the evil clown from Spawn

Six charges brought against me

The FBI knows my name

There's no where left to run

Everybody knows about my band

Our mighty insurrection

Did not unfold as planned

All I did was spray some cops

With the bear spray in my hand

I wish my deeds were glorious

Like the martyrs by my side

To tase myself in the balls

Have a heart attack and die

Now that I am a wanted man

There is just one way to fly

I must turn myself in to the FBI