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A salad so big

Tomatoes the size of volley balls

All Costanza asks for

Is some credit for his beck and call

A conniving two face

Who accepts a thank you without grace

He should do the opposite

And smother dressing in her face

Unemployed and disgraced

Lives with his parents without thanks

Can't even get Chinese food

The Marine Biologist seals New York's doom

Why Julie?

You know I don't Guggenheim

Why Julie?

Do you take credit for dimes

You accepted thank you

Under false pretenses

You take credit for salad

I'll take credit for your brutal end

And while I'm at it I'll take a knife

And stab you like Steve Gendason

Bullied by so many others

For stupid reasons

A harmless dot, not wanting coffee

Judged for shrinkage

But Elaine and Jerry,

That bastard Cosmo and his girlfriends

Been the catalyst for this betrayal

The Big Salad

Poor, poor Art Vandelay

Lost his love, Marissa Tomei

Watch now what will be done

By the hands of "Can't-Stand-Ya"

Jerry!

It's rich a Zionist uses terms like "Soup Nazi"

"What's the deal with being a pedophile"

Pour some acid on your genocide defending wiener

Castrate both your heads so you can't talk to minors

Newman and Kramer will watch in terror

Elaine's in the kitchen, trust me I won't spare her

They'll try to plead but their mouths are taped shut

Like with my Snickers, I'll enjoy every cut

Oh why Julie did you betray me?

Took credit for the tasty herbs

Once you're half mutilated

Your enthusiasm's curbed

Unlike Kramer's laugh factory

My crashout is valid

You'll face the outstanding balance

Of the cost of the Big Salad

You accepted thank you

Under false pretenses

You take credit for salad

I'll take credit for your brutal end

And while I'm at it I'll take a knife

And stab you like Steve Gendason