---

"Hey, thanks for comin' down. I've been really lonely lately."

"Well, the only reason I came was because you were masturbating."

"What?! H-how'd you know that?"

"Well, they don't call me a higher power for nothing."

"Oh my God, were you stalking me?!"

"No-no, God wasn't stalking you."

*shudders*

"Just... light me up."

Smokin' pot with ya old mate Jesus

( x 8 )

"Jesus fucking Christ, that shit is rank!"

"Now now, my child. It is wrong to speak ill of the son of god."

"Ill? The only thing ill is my brain after smoking this terrible shit."

"But my child, it is the weed that binds us all..."

"Binds us all? Is that your prophecy?"

"Blessed are the blunts passed 'round by circle."

"Whoaaa, I don't think weed's supposed to do this!"

"My child, my child. Be calm. Let the spirit of god flow through you."

That ain't god, that's some devil lettuce shit right there!

Smokin' pot with ya old mate Jesus

( x 4 )

"You call this weed?! Tastes more like poison ivy!"

"My child. One does not have the need to consume poison ivy for a punchline."

"N-no, it was a joke. Jesus, man."

"Y-yes, I am a man."

Smokin' pot with ya old mate Jesus

( x 8 )

"Thank you, my children, for listening. May God have mercy on your stoner, burnout souls."