After another allnighter of killing, Turkey makes movie madness pit stop rental, For some goretits and blood spilling I tried to rent "Don't Go In The House", But some dipshit beat me to it, Instead I got stuck with something called Boarding House!!! Alone on the racks it sat stinking like slime, Battered, worn out, and beat up A forgotten VHS turd in time Said it starred someone named "Kalassu" And directed by "John Wintergate, I wondered and shouted out loud - "WHO???" I did not expect what I saw on my TV, My brain began to instantly rot, As new heights of lunacy flashed before me, Early 80's shot-on-video pioneering trash, Piled on the gore, filth, and boobage, So greasy and stupid it gave me a rash Cheesy commodore 64 opening credits, With loud obnoxious sounds grating my ears, And really testing my limits Tells the tale of the cursed "Hoffman house" A premise so flimsy and weak, I hope a chick at least takes off her blouse Chorus: Boarding House!!! Where the rent won't kill you, But something else will!!! Boarding House!!! Along with the new residents, Something else moved in!!!! Camaro driving sleazeball re-opens the place, Pathetic rat-tail sporting, weasel looking bastard, "Tom G Warrior with AIDS" with an even uglier face Ad in paper looking for "beautiful women with no ties", 1980's sluts arrive firing up the Jacuzzi 'n bikinis I really couldn't wait until everybody dies!!! Slasher-style killings, bad dreams and pie fights, Bad editing, fake accents, dime-store gore fx Wow this flick really fucking bites!!! But the more I watched, the more my sanity fled, Sitting through this shitbucket of a flick, Meant that people would soon be dead!!! Chorus: Boarding House!!! Where are you Kalassu, John Wintergate, And the others??? Boarding House!!! You've taken 95 minutes of my life away, So how do I than you???