---

An anonymous model checks her calls

over the strains of cheesy synth-pop

Her agent tells her

she's got the cover of Cosmos!

Just needs a tan

and she'll be cream of the crop

She disrobes and hops in the tanning bed

There's a lurking air of sublimated dread

She screams and writhes

as she bursts into flames

Precluding a tale so

brainless and deranged!

Welcome you losers,

to Rhonda's Workout!

A den of busty big-haired '80s sluts

Prepare to get a REAL killer workout!

While chicks in spandex

thrust their well-toned butts

The blonde chick Jaimy

arrives late for work

Jimmy tries to grab her tits

cuz he's a creepy jerk

Rhonda chews out Jaimy

because she's always late

Jaimy appeases her with a dinner date

Rachel stays late to take a shower

Someone's lurking with a giant safety pin

The prowler attacks,

stabs at Rachel's neck

Her jugular is pierced and the

bloodshed begins!

Lt. Morgan, the moronic cop

is out to get the killings stopped

Some blonde meathead

"Dawnson" an undercover PI

His dumb tapered haircut

made me laugh til i cried!

The body count continues to mount

Blood-spewing veins,

is Jimmy to blame?

Retarded fight scenes

make me fucking guffaw

Acting and editing

in a realm beyond awful