Get Ready For 'Copyright Alerts'

The agreement between the RIAA, MPAA and your internet provider has been finalized. The outcome will be "Copyright Alerts". If your ISP identifies you to be downloading Limp Bizkit's "Gold Cobra" album, they now have recommended steps set by the RIAA on how to proceed to alert and punish you.

This will be a six step alert system.
1st Alert: Alert the user they are downloading pirated material and point them to reading material to educate the copyright infringer. A postcard of Kanye West with only a single 10 karat diamond stud will be sent alerting you that due to your pirating ways, poor Kanye couldn't afford the second diamond stud.
2nd Alert: Same as the first alert. They might type in all CAPS to ensure you know they mean business.
3rd Alert: Same as the first alert and second alert, but now there will be a popup that the user must acknowledge. The alert might contain a frowny face emoticon :(
4th Alert: Same as the third which is pretty much the same as the second which is the same as the first.
5th Alert: Now you are so fucked! Your download speed will be throttled and they will lock your internet until you contact your ISP. I warned you and you didn't listen. You thought alerts 1-4 were all fun and games. Upon calling the ISP, an Indian guy with a thick accent will alert you to the fact that you are breaking the law by downloading some CD that you were too embarrassed to buy. He will most likely look over your account and try to sell you on the HBO package.
6th Alert: Same as the fifth alert, but this time no HBO package upgrade because they are just that serious.

At any stage in the alert process, users can stave off one of the mitigation measures by issuing a challenge. Challenges will be overseen by an independent entity, such as the American Arbitration Association.

The voluntary system is not based on any new laws or regulations, and it doesn't contemplate terminating a subscriber's account. Also, ISPs will not provide their subscribers' names to content owners.


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Tags:  RIAA, copyright, snark  

Jason Fisher    July 07, 2011