Tully from Taintstick comments on songs from Ozzy Osbourne, Rammstein, Winger, Steel Panther and more

Taintstick's Tully took some time to give The Gauntlet his comments on some great and some not so great songs. Taintstick recently released "6lbs of Sound" via Suburban Noize Records. The group's video for the track "Apple Juice" can be seen online below.

Winger - Winger - "Seventeen"

From an impossibly crowded field, Kip Winger emerges as, in my opinion, the most offensive man in heavy metal history. (There was a reason that Stuart, the lame kid on Beavis and Butthead, wore a Winger t-shirt.) The greasy curls, playing bass while singing, the permanent 5 o'clock shadow, the flimsy peek-a-boo t-shirts always threatening to reveal his manicured chest hair and man nipples - Kip didn't miss a trick.

This particular track - which, along with 'Headed for a Heartbreak,' constituted Winger's mercifully brief time at the top - is noteworthy for being one of the last in a long line of hit rock songs, harkening back to Led Zeppelin and beyond, celebrating statutory rape. (An underrated legacy of the grunge revolution: The end of the notion that guys like Kip Winger and Robert Plant having sex with high school chicks was something to be celebrated in song.)

Reb Beach is nothing to fuck with on lead guitar, but why oh why was his name Reb Beach?


Ozzy Osbourne - No More Tears - "Hellraiser"

Nobody does a song about how much they love rock, will never stop rocking, will defend their right to rock, etc. like Ozzy, huh? Ozzy is here to rock, rock is his life, it's his god, it's his girlfriend, it's his religion. It's the country on his passport. Ozzy's blood type? Rock.


Has anyone else noticed that, while 'No More Tears' may have been Ozzy's last hurrah as a legitimate musical force, it actually marked the point that his hair style only really started to peak?

Rammstein - Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da - "Pussy"

Oh gross, now I've seen Rammstein have sex.

Technically, I'm just supposed to listen to the songs in the column. But I heard the video has copious full-frontal nudity, while the song, well, still sounds like Rammstein. What would you have done?

Video review: I'll take my porn without a generous side of Rammstein performance footage, thank you.

Song review: Funny, I don't speak German, but I always kind of assumed their lyrics went something like, 'I've got a dick, you've got a pussy.' Turns out I was right.


Steel Panther - "Feel the Steel" - "Turn Out the Lights"

OK, I'll say it: Steel Panther (nee Metal Skool) aren't all that funny. (Well, Lexi's pretty funny.)

Great live show. Check them out if you're in LA. They do "Livin' on a Prayer" better than Bon Jovi probably ever did.

But there is a reason these guys never made it with a real band before giving up and becoming a cover act. 'Turn out the lights,' because, while Steel Panther will have sex with you, 'someone hit you with an ugly stick.' OK. Sure. Whatever.


Kix - Blow My Fuse - "Don't Close Your Eyes"

One of the most underappreciated metal bands ever. I wasn't around for their whole run, but, from what I gather, after failing to grab the brass ring with their own sound in the early 80's, Kix settled into the comfortable niche of being a blatant Bon Scott-era AC/DC rip-off ("No Ring Around Rosie") with a decent live show.

Weighing in on the controversial subject of teenage suicide, in this tune, Kix boldly chose the 'against' position. It may be hard to remember now, but, to survive back in the 80's, a metal band had to get on the radio. The only way to do that was with a ballad - no one cracked the Top 40 with a rocker - and usually the only way to do that was with a love song. So, props to Kix (and Faster Pussycat, with "House of Pain") for figuring out a way around that brand of terminal cheesiness.

This song still gives me chills, for real. Come on, the last set of 'eye-eee-eye's? Give it up. Give in to Kix.

The little guitar breakdown is so goddamn tasteful.

Why doesn't anyone use electric piano anymore?

If you really wanna hear a ballad from Kix, check out "For Shame."

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Tags:  Taintstick, Tully, reviews, rammstein, ozzy osbourne

admin    November 18, 2009